Trying to build a fire...

So not much of anything happened over the weekend. Didn't have to set the alarm for two days and that is such a delight. Sleeping until at least 4 maybe 5AM is a pleasure to behold. A few times after a few days with no nap, I've even made it until after 6:30 - and then I feel as if the day is half over already!

I do love a good nap though. I think I took 4 of them this weekend.

Saturday I went to breakfast with my friend Tracy. We went to Chutes in Windham. They have awesome toast. Go try it. Sunday meh. Watched My Fair Lady on TV. Made egg rolls for dinner to have my son give an awkward compliment "Those egg rolls look suspiciously Asian. Are you sure you made them?" Go figure.

Today after work I hear from my daughter that she's stopping by to pick up her laundry. That I washed/dried/folded for her yesterday. And of course she has to be fed. The house is cold and we decide to start the wood stove... which brings me to the point I'm at right now in my day.
I thought I would take this opportunity to say what a complete idiot I am, and that I'm a worthless lumberjack.

Now, normally, Mike - the landlord, starts the wood stove around dinner time. It gets nice and toasty and usually stays warm until I get up and leave for work at 3:15. This morning though it was cold, and when I came home the house was still freezing. But, since Mike's not here, it is I that have to start the damned stove.

Don't get me wrong, I know how to build a fire, but I can't find any kindling wood anywhere. Mike must have used the last of it when he built the fire last night. He chops it up from a stick of firewood as he goes I guess. That didn't help me any today...

I find myself at the woodpile, searching for one of those nice big splintery pieces of wood, you know the ones I mean, hardly any bark on em and they're all jagged. I decided that I would take it upon myself to chop said piece of firewood into kindling. Caitlin of course thinks this will be wickedly funny and stands around to offer not so much support.

This axe has seen better days. It was as dull as a hoe. And my poor chopping skills were getting me no where, and fast. Now I'm not a weakling, but this is an AXE! It's friggin sharpened on both ends, and despite the dullness of the actual blade it's still a friggin AXE and not something I want to swing with great force and hit myself with. Get it? That would HURT. A LOT. At least Caitlin was on standby should I need a ride to the ER.

In any case, the house was freezing and I needed to do this, so I couldn't just wimp out and wait. I would swing and get stuck, have to pry the axe free, stand the piece of wood up again and take another whack. I almost hit my left leg twice and just avoided a blow to my head. To which Caitlin said, "Careful Mum, you wouldn't want to hit yourself". Really Caitlin? Naw, that sounds like FUN! Sweet mother of God. NO KIDDING!

I was sore from swinging and bending and I already had anxiety because I know how uncoordinated I am; and tensing up every time I swing because I'm afraid of missing the wood. Man, that wood chopping is no fun! I don't much care for that business. Next time, I'm going to the store to purchase said kindling log(s). That chopping with a dull axe is for the birds.

It took me about 10 minutes, 147 swear words, standing the log up countless times and telling Caitlin to shut up on a continual basis. But, finally I had some kindling. The fire is going nicely and now I have to go shut the damper or it'll start to feel like one of the rings of hell.

Rock on with yourself. It's time for my nap.

H