Tie on the feed bag boys - it's time to put your hotdog where your mouth is!

So, the big day is finally here...

Franks Frankfurter Feeding Frenzy.

You vs. me.

I don't know if I should feel like a bride before her wedding or a gunfighter walking into a strange town. Don't suppose it much matters though, I signed up for it, and I'm going to follow through with it. I'd like to make it known that I have no predictions for this contest. I have NOT made any bets with Bill regarding the outcome, as I am busy lately and don't really care to have to wash his friggin car on Preble Street again...that pretty much sucked.

Anyhow, I agreed to do this contest, because I really do like hot dogs! I often ask Carl at Whip's to make me up a couple on the grill with relish and spicy mustard. He also puts cheese on them, which is quite nice. I had hoped that I would just get two dogs, in buns of course, with the tasty relish/mustard combo that I'm so fond of that I could sit and savor while you (the contestants) battled it out with one another! Since I can't win the prize anyway, why kill myself over it? I don't want to be sick any more than you do.

So, I had it all worked out with Carl. Bill heard me talking about it this morning when I was going over the final details with Carl, and, of course he said...
"Uh...What're you planning?..No.....I don't hardly think so... You're going to eat those dogs just like the contestants are!"

I tried to tell him how funny it would be if I sat and slowly ate mine, taking my time, dabbing with a napkin, and he was having NONE of that! So, now, I have to do it. And, since I have to do it, you better lookout. I may not get the prize but, I still get bragging rights if I beat you!

Knowing full well that I could win if I kept these secrets to myself; I am choosing to share them with you dear listener, so everyone has a fair and fighting chance. Hot dogs are as beloved to Americans as apple pie. So are the competitive eating contests that go along with them. There are people who win eating contests consistently, and it's never about their size; it's about their technique. First of all, it is important to note that The International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE for short, and YES it is a real federation) discourages anyone under 18 years old from speed-eating at all.


Here's how you can become a hot dog eating champion in your neck of the woods.

1.) Before any speed-eating competition, it is important that you have a large dinner and good nights sleep before the event. Preferably a meal with lots of meat and potatoes. Well, maybe the potatoes aren't really that important, just eat lots and lots of meat. Steaks, roast, anything that requires a lot of chewing. You really want to exercise those jaws before the event, so you don't pull a muscle or something. If you're not sure after a few steaks that you're going to be OK with the muscles, feel free to eat a few more helpings, but just make sure you get to bed right after you put down the fork, you need to rest!

2.) Make sure to eat a hearty breakfast. That way your stomach has a good amount of time to 'warm up' before you start really packin it in. Oatmeal is a good choice, but make sure the ones you prepare are the steel cut oats. These are heaviest and stay with you longest, making your stomach work extra hard. The business going on in your belly after eating this breakfast will feel like the 'fullness' you have after eating Thanksgiving dinner - but not to worry, that isn't a true feeling of 'fullness'. It is actually the feeling of your stomach working to digest the oats. It takes a little while to get your stomach warmed up, that is why the steel cut oats are the best choice. The stomach attacks that oatmeal more rapidly than anything else you eat, and because it is so busy in there, you feel full. Not to worry. If you start feeling this 'fullness' before you're done eating breakfast, that just means your belly is acting just as it should. Keep on eating, you'll need your strength. Especially if you were up late eating tons of steaks while exercising your jaw muscles. Exercise makes you really tired. Maybe you should have a big glass of milk with your oatmeal. You need to stay hydrated while you're exercising.

3.) Hot dog eating contests are not about taste or appetite. They're about control. Pack it down. Wiggle your body as you're eating to help the food down people refer to this as the "Kobayashi wiggle". Use your hands to eat and drink as quickly as possible, make sure to take really big drinks and do so often. You're still going to be dehydrated from the exercising you did last night, and since you're stomach is already working on that oatmeal what's a few bottles of water?

4.) Lastly, vomiting during the competition will guarantee a loss. Just train your mind to ignore the urge to upchuck.

There! Now everyone can be even and all have a fair chance...
Good luck to you, and may the best radio host win!

I am going to get my oatmeal ready for tomorrow. See you at 7:45!

Rock on with your bad self!
Heidi