Should she be worried??

OK, so today, we got an ask Heidi from 'Candice'.

'Candice' has a stay at home husband, who also takes care of their children. Her husband, takes the kids to play dates and parks, and is continually surrounded by women. (And, to hear 'Candice' tell it, these women are none to happy with their husbands, but they adore hers!)

Now, Bill and I are limited as to what we can say on-air, because we have time constraints. We do not always get to say all we'd like and that is where my new friend BLOG comes in handy...
I shall now finish what I would have said this morning on the subject, if I would have had the time.

First of all, 'Candice', friggin relax.

There could be a number of things going on here. I hope you've thought them all through before consulting me, a lowly radio co-host. If not, and you're counting on me to pull you through this tight spot - then I shall do my absolute best to give an honest opinion. Or at the very least what I would do, if I were you. Fair Enough?

You work, and your husband stays home.

When this was first discussed (and it should have been discussed) was the topic of him being at the park with the kids (other kids, and those kids' mothers) a concern?

Have you considered that perhaps these other women are finding things attractive about your husband because he truly represents those qualities?

Meaning, did you fall in love with him for his sense of humor, and now realize that these other soccer moms find him funny? Haven't you always admired the way he gives his full attention to you when you're speaking to him? Why wouldn't someone else's wife appreciate that too? Hummm... Maybe you're feeling a tad jealous, because he is just being true to self. Does this make you realize at all how good you really do have it? Or do you insist upon being jealous?

Do you suspect he is feeling the same enjoyment from these women? Do you suppose they sit all day and commiserate on their relationships? Do you even suggest by asking for my advice here that he may be showing you in a negative light to these women, merely because he comes home and tells you how much they hate their husbands and how miserable they are? Come on girlfriend, get a friggin clue!

I shouldn't be the one to tell you this there 'Candice', but, uh... MEN AREN'T WOMEN! OK? They don't think like us, they don't talk like us, they don't share feelings like us, they will never, I repeat, NEVER be one of us. These soccer moms can sit all day long and tell your husband whatever they please. He will remember about 1/8 of what she said. Men don't have the capacity to hold details like women do when it comes to this stuff. If it doesn't directly involve them, meaning if they're not eating it, drinking it, or sleeping with it, (yes I actually said 'it') he doesn't really pay all that close attention. Now, if you want to 'talk shop', sports, music, beer or dirty jokes, or about flatulence, then he's all ears. I would have thought with your education, you'd have realized this by now. How old did you say your kids were??

Now, that being said, I will admit that there are sensitive men who have an uncanny ability to communicate with a woman in a way that makes sense to her. There are men who excel at communication in some way, shape or form. Perhaps, you have such a husband. These men seem like a Godsend to a woman who's had a difficult relationship. It sure sounds to me like your husband is a good communicator, because he is telling you about all the things he does. (lets not forget he has the children with him too)

Don't get me wrong, we did get an email from a woman in Biddeford this morning who said this same thing happened to her and after 6 months she was in divorce court. I am sorry to hear that. But, again, I have to say - and I honestly never thought I would hear myself say it......

Not all men are pigs. WHEW. That was tough. LOL

Anyway, my whole point here is that if you have a good relationship with the man you married, you should be trusting enough to know that he loves you. I am not saying that you can't ever have concerns, or that you shouldn't bring them up. Do! Talk about them! Don't jump to conclusions, don't assume, and don't point fingers. (FYI- if you do point a finger at a man, he may try to pull it, thinking you have to fart. Just a heads up.)

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

'Candice', if you don't disclose your fears, concerns or thoughts with the one you claim to love over all others, then who can you tell really?

Someone down at the park, who isn't going to be thinking of you when you really need them to? Someone from the soccer game who doesn't really remember your last name?

No way! The folks at the park get the talk about what's good on TV. Who is playing the RedSox this weekend or did you see that article in the paper about the new such and such they're building downtown? Sharing what your scared about, what you dream about and what you think about during the day, is the good stuff. The good stuff, is what you give to the one you love.

It sounds to me, like your husband is coming home and talking with you. He is giving you some of his good stuff. Are you sharing yours? My advice would start with asking you to talk with your husband. Talk about some good stuff. Talk about your fear that maybe these other women are seeing in him all the things you fell in love with, and how that makes you feel. Tell him that you appreciate what he does, because you know if the roles were reversed, that you'd love to hear him say that. Treat him as you would want to be treated.

Now.....

Should you find out, during this delightful communication session, that he is being unfaithful, well then, my dear - you have Carte' Blanche to unleash full womanly scorn upon his wretched soul. I am certain that you've got enough stored in your female mental bank, (filed under 'you-cheating-son-of-a-bitch')that you don't need my help in coming up with any revenge tactics. But, should you need some assistance in formulating a plan - please consider me. I have some tried and true methods, as well as a few ideas I've had through the years that I've not had opportunity to try. I would welcome the chance. I have a resume' and references if needed...

I don't condone violence, but I also don't condone cheating. If you're going to take that risk, then you better have your bags packed.

I'm just sayin.

Don't fret though 'Candice', cause you might just be better off with a baby sitter, a maid and one of these...

WHAT??! It's just a thought. God.

Rock on with your bad (non-cheatin on the one you love) self!

H